I miss(ed) Vinayagar Chathurthi

I wake up on a nice Sunday morning happily at 10:30 am. In fact, I was even glad that I woke up early that Sunday, even more glad that I needn't cook that day cos we were visiting one of our friends for lunch. So, I still kept stretching in bed, cos it looked like there was not much to do anyways by waking up early. Next to me my husband was talking to his parents in India and I was half listening to the conversation and half asleep (no no no... I was not doing the evil act of spying or anything. I was just there and you know, how sound waves cannot be stopped and so they just hit my ears) . And I heard him talk about Vinayagar Chathurthi and 'What was special' at their end.

My brain woke up with a start, 'Wait, a minute... Did he just say Vinayagar Chathurthi!'. I woke up instantly and shouted 'When is it?' . He said 'Today.. Well, it is almost the end of the day in India.' I then barked at him for not letting me know earlier. I immediately called my mom and asked (well, I couldn't bark at her) her why she didn't tell me and I was kind of cursing the whole world for not letting me know. I was angry at everyone because I was actually angry over myself for missing the day. You must be wondering, 'Why so much tension? What if you had forgotten? It is ok'. But somehow I couldn't make myself feel that way. I felt utterly irresponsible, and mostly because Vinayagar is my favourite God. I am not sure if it is 'bakthi', but His thoughts have always made me feel good. It could be because of the stories that my grandmom used to tell me about him when I was a kid. It could be because of how she taught me how to bathe the idol and decorate him with flowers at our nearest temple. It could be because I used to amuse myself in collecting different mini idols of Him. It could be because his temple was very close to our house and I used to visit him almost everyday when I was in India. Whatever be the reason, I always felt a kinship with Vinayagar and missing his birthday felt like forgetting a clsoe friend's birthday.

Then we left for our friend's place, and yes they had finished the pooja and served us kolukattai. It did make me feel better, cos atleast that instilled a sense of festivity in me but still it was not the same. Things still didn't feel like how it is in India, like how it is at home. I did try to pacify Vinayagar by making kolukattai a week later, but I messed it up too. I looked at the messed up Kolukattai's and kept thinking that this doesn't feel like Vinyagar Chathurthi at all. (Now, at this point I see a spiral - symbolic for flashback in our Indian movies, and that brings to me memories of a typical Vinayagar Chathurthi at home)

The very first difference being, I would have known it is Vinayagar Chathurthi because that would have been a holiday and all the tv channels would have been proclaiming it for a whole month. It kind of awakens the spirit of the festivity really early, with Sun Tvs special programs and new movie ads, 'Indhiya tholaikaatchigalil mudhan muraiyaga.... Thiraikku vandhu sila maadhangalae aana... Super hit thirai padam', believe me, things are not the same without hearing those once annoying television commercials. Then to add on to the proclamation of the approaching festivity would be the huge speakers that are raised in the streets, that sing Bakthi songs in the evenings. Well you must be thinking that I am happily away from those kind of disturbances sitting here, but actually I am not enjoying but I miss those really loud songs. I miss trying to study in those deafening sounds. I miss the fun and feeling of festivity.

The next things would have been how good I would feel that day. Well, waking up early and taking bath and getting ready for the pooja made me feel good. Then I would go out to get the pooja items, a small pillaiyar freshly made in the morning, a colorful umbrella for him, a small garland made from this favourite flower. While others are bargaining for a good price for the Vinayagar, I would get it for whatever price the seller asks for, and buy the garland from those kids who come running behind saying 'Akka... en kitta vaangikko ka...'., and even give them an extra rupee than what they ask for. Well, I know these are highly inconspicuous acts of kindness but it still made me feel (selfishly) good. Then back home, it would be time to clean all the Gods and decorate them, which has always been my favorite tasks to do. By that time amma would have called me for making Kolukattais. While she is trying hard to make them is the proper shape, so that the stuffing doesn't come out and also to make them as soon as possible, I would be employing my annoying creativity to create suns and moons and stars out of them. Once the kolukattais are ready, the pooja is done and then it is time for all those infinite special television shows. Dad wouldn't miss the Solomon Pappayya's patti mandram and we enjoy it too. The day doesn't end there, it is complete only after waiting till midnight when Vinayagar from the nearby temple is taken in a procession to every street and everyone waits outside their houses with their offerings for God. The glimpse of the God and whole heartedly offering what we have completes the day.

At this point my flashback spiral gets cut, with my husband saying, 'Its ok da. The kolukattai's taste good. They are just a little out of shape'. I smile and I say to myself that I am not going to miss this day next year and I am going to get my Kolukattai's right next time. It would be the closest that I could get to celebrating Vinayagar Chathurthi in US with no speakers, so suntv, no fresh mud pillaiyar, no colorful umbrellas, no erukalam poo maalai, no solomon paapayya, and no processions!

Love is inspite of Differences

They were walking peacefully on the shores of the Atlantic; the breaking waves gently gracing their feet. It was the perfect time in the evening, when the hues of dusk hasn't completely faded and the moon is already up in the sky. Still wet form her earlier fun in the beach she is wrapped in a cozy towel while they walk hand in hand; no words exchanged but listening only to the unexpresed ;) conversations of the heart.

As she feels the gentle breeze hit her face and gently blow up her curls , she takes in a deep breath and wishes, that this moment of their togetherness would last forever. He gives his hand a gentle squeeze and a secret smile escapes her lips. At about the same time as if the same breeze had an effect on him, he thinks 'How great would it feel to drive a Hummer on this beach? Those powerful wheels should be able to get him drive along even a little further in the water than they are.' This thought excited him and he turns and smiles at her. Encouraged she gets closer and into his arms into his arms, and he gives her a gentle squeeze. Now, she could no longer contain her curiosity and asks, 'What made you smile?' He innocently and still excited by his recent thought replies 'I was thinking of riding a hummer along these crashing waves.' Slightly disappointed that he didn't share her feelings, she simply nods and smiles.

A little further along their walk, they decide to build a castle of sand. She gets all excited and plans to build a very pretty pricess castle, like the one in fairy tales, like the one in Disneyland. She starts by raising the tallest tower of her castle, while suddenly she realizes that he is digging a deep trench all around it. 'What is that for?' she inquires. He replies by saying that trenches are always built around castles for protection during times of war' 'War??? Why would there be any war. Fairy lands are always peaceful and happy..Whoever did mention anything about any war???', she thinks to herself, but says nothing against it. Suddenly, the mood of the evening had changed on her. A rush of thoughts and emotions go through her mind. 'God! We are so different. We seem to want completely different things. I am not sure how things are going to work between us. It all seemed so perfect in the beginning, but now everything is changing.'

Absorbed in her disturbing thoughts she was absent mindedly making the stairs and pathways to her castle. Suddenly, he hugs her from behind and excitedly says, 'Look! The trench is done and I have got water flowing through it as well' At those few seconds of being wrapped in his arms, she realizes how protected and so well taken care of she felt around him. And here she was obsessing over the change in the building plan of her sand castle, while in fact, he had only added his protectiveness to the castle as well. She realizes how she still is a special person to him and abandons her silly thoughts and excitedly starts building a bridge over the trench. She adds neat little fences around the trench and the bridge and completes its look. They stand back and proudly admire their creation for a while. He feels so accomplished and smiles and hugs her. She hugs back thinking "Love is not without differences, Love is inspite of differences."